Feb 14, 2008

I'm still me

Twice this week, I've been mistaken for someone else. That about doubles such instances for my entire life.

The first time was over the phone on Tuesday, when it snowed all day. The phone rang at dinner time. It was a thin older voice.

"Keith?"

"Yes."

"Are you coming to do my driveway?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"This is ____ ____. Don't you still do snow removal?"

____ ____? I thought. "I can't place your name, ____."

"I'm at 56th Street in Altoona."

Hm.

"How did you get my number?"

"The phone book."

Hm again, because I'm the only Keith Eldred in the phone book.

"Right here (he must have been pointing to my name in his phone book)--Keith Elder."

Ah, there it was. Elder, not Eldred.

I let him down gently. He gave me a surprising amount of information before I extricated myself, including that his driveway is 75 feet long. I hope he found the right Keith.

The second incident was tonight in the grocery store. I was looking at "Best and Worst Bikini Bodies" on the cover of a publication at the checkout.

"Did Cosmo win?" I heard this out of the corner of my ear, but it had no meaning to me so I assumed it had to be addressed at someone else and finished looking at the Worst Bodies and was moving on to the Best Bodies.

"Did Cosmo win?" Still no meaning for me. Still had had to be addressed at someone else who didn't realize whom she was addressing.

"Did Cosmo win?"

I looked up. A woman older than my mother was looking at me.

"Did Cosmo win?"

"I beg your pardon?"

The woman looked at me quizzically. "Aren't you ____ ___?"

"Sorry, no."

"You look just like ____ ___."

Now, I've met ____ ___, and I was surprised to hear that I look like him. Not only surprised. Flattered. Still, I'm not ____ ____. And I still didn't know who Cosmo is.

"He entered Cosmo in the big dog show."

I'd heard on the radio earlier that the Westminster Dog Show happened this week.

"The Westminster?"

"Yes, that. It cost him $_____. And that was just in fees, not his travel and everything. And the dog has to travel, too."

"Well, I don't even have a dog," I said. Wanting to smooth over her mistake and show no harm had been done, I added, "I did hear a good joke about the Westminster today."

"Oh?"

"Well, you know how a beagle won for the first time?"

"Oh, yes."

"Well, it was proclaimed a victory in the war against terriers."

You may think that I manufactured this post just so I could work in that joke. I agree that it's pretty good, but believe me, that would have been more work that it was worth.

I'll have to get some more jokes ready to repeat to confused people, in case I have to defuse more cases of mistaken identity.

(Next person who misidentifies me), Ya Goof!

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