Nov 9, 2008

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

454. Wear you only red clothing to work on the day before Valentine's Day.
453. Show up to pick up your car-pool buddy on the day that he's supposed to drive.
452. Forget to dim your lights.
451. Present your library card to the cashier instead of your credit card.
450. Forget your lunch money.
449. Forget your lunch.
448. Make lunch not only for tomorrow, but also for the next day and then realize that you did the same thing the day before, so now you're two lunches ahead but in danger of something getting soggy or stale or hard or ...
447. Fiddle with your portable music player or radio every which way you can think but fail to get sound, and then realize that you haven't plugged in your earphone jack.
446. Open the chips from the bottom.
445. Or the cereal.
444. Stay on hold on the phone for service so long that you need to eat a sandwich, then take a big bite so that you're unable to answer when the rep come back on, and she hangs up on you.
443. Cram for a test that turns out to be next week.
442. Mistakenly shut down a projector that you're trying to start up.

Nov 6, 2008

What we have here is a failure to communicate

Ethan called to be picked up from a friend's.

I rolled up. He got in.

Me (cranky): We didn't know you were here, you know.

Ethan: I called your cell phone and mom's and the house.

Me: (silent, thinking: Shoot, the kid did his duty.)

Later in the evening, my cell phone screen said there was a message. It's a pain to check voice mails on my phone, and I figured that the message must be from Ethan, so I ignored it.

This morning, when I drove up to pick up my carpool buddy, he came out dressed except for bare feet.

"I left you a message last night. I have to drive separately today because ... " Well, he just needed to.

Ethan hadn't said that he'd left a message, come to think of it. I just assumed that.

No big deal, but the point is: I gotta get better at checking my messages, and I gotta get worse at assuming.

Furthermore: Keith, Ya Goof!

Oct 18, 2008

Watch me overthink this drink

This soda just tickles me. I don't mean because of its bubbles. I mean because of its successive steps away from manliness.

It's not beer in a glass bottle, it's ...
  1. diet
  2. root beer
  3. in plastic
I know, I know, I'm making too much of it. Feel free to say: Keith, Ya Goof.

Sep 23, 2008

I remember it well

Janet and I have been married 18 years as of yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from a most special friend who lives multiple time zones away. We speak too rarely.

Below is an email chain where I call him "Also A. Husband," so as to protect his identity. He claims that I got him in trouble.

I say: A.A, Ya Goof! *You* got you in trouble!

From: Also A. Husband

Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 12:51 PM
To: Keith Eldred
Subject: Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to you and Janet. Let’s catch up sometime soon.

From: Keith Eldred
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 9:57 AM
To: Also A. Husband
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary


Yeah, we need to do a call. And I need to get *your* Anniversary in my calendar. I thought I had it but nope. I'm saying ... May 18?

From: Also A. Husband
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 8:39 PM
To: Keith Eldred
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Close … May 26th. You caused me big trouble because I had to confirm with the wife. Life is good but very, very busy right now. Look forward to talking.

From: Keith Eldred

Sent: Tuesday, September 23, 2008 5:25 AM
To: Also A. Husband
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Ah, so I'm not the only one who doesn’t have it in his calendar. : )

From: Also A. Husband
Sent: Tuesday, September 23, 2008 10:46 AM
To: Keith Eldred
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Worse than that … I do have it in my calendar but was too lazy to scroll through until May. Thinking I knew the date, I just casually threw out an “Our Anniversary is on … right?" And of course I wasn’t right. Gave us both a good laugh and her a chance to tease me.

Sep 10, 2008

Speak. Roll over. Growl.

You know what burns my biscuits? The fact that my biscuits are often burned is that I'm a juvenile hothead, so you can factor that in, but still ...

Today what burns my biscuits is that I'm to be a speaker at a conference, and the conference organizers keep sending me emails asking for this release form and that informational form that I've already submitted.

The first time it happened, I had nothing to show that I'd already sent the form, so I had to go through the process of printing out the form again, filling it out again, faxing it again. I hate faxing.

After that, I learned to create a PDF of the form and email that, which is generally accepted as readily as a fax is, and then archive the email so that when I get the next email saying "Where is your ...? ", then I can re-send the email and add a brief note along the lines of ...

Will someone there please get a clue and stop sending me
emails asking for stuff that I've already submitted?

(Insert irritated breathing here).

If you're a Conference Organizer, today I say to you: Ya Goof!

Sep 8, 2008

Peanut butter fingers

Speaking of sidewalks--this time my sidewalk--that's where I dropped a bag last night containing two glass jars of peanut butter. One was big, the other even bigger.

But the only damage was a little chipping at the top ridge of this one. The accident even opened the plastic sealing band for me.

You got off easy that time, Ya Goof.


This sidewalk is brand new. It's not mine, it's a stretch that I walk over a lot. The installer did a great job. But someone just had to show his ... appreciation.

You with the bike--you're not a goof, you're a jerk.

(Unless of course, you braked each separate time to avoid running into a kitten ... or something like that.)

Hang it all

Look, these were all that were left at the store.

No two of them were joined, but the hanging thingy still seemed like the logical place to put them.

So no fair saying ...

Keith, Ya Goof!

Sep 6, 2008

Here's what happened to Ethan today

In his words ...

"I went down to the football field today to play Ultimate Frisbee, and the gate was wide open, presumably from last night's game, so I rode my bike right in. After we were done, and I went to leave, the gate was closed, so I had to have some guys help me lift my bike over the fence."

Ethan, Ya Goof!

Meet Duke

A stem shame

A house around the corner from us has (had?) a giant rose in the front yard.

I'm not sure what happened here. Perhaps it's going to join other giant roses from other front yards around the country in one huge bouquet?

All I can say is, when the giant bride sends that bouquet flying backwards over her head ... watch out.

(And if this was a vandalisting uprooting, I say to the vandal: Ya Goof!)