I remember it well

Janet and I have been married 18 years as of yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from a most special friend who lives multiple time zones away. We speak too rarely.

Below is an email chain where I call him "Also A. Husband," so as to protect his identity. He claims that I got him in trouble.

I say: A.A, Ya Goof! *You* got you in trouble!




From: Also A. Husband
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 12:51 PM
To: Keith Eldred
Subject: Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to you and Janet. Let’s catch up sometime soon.
_____

From: Keith Eldred
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 9:57 AM
To: Also A. Husband
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Thanks!

Yeah, we need to do a call. And I need to get *your* Anniversary in my calendar. I thought I had it but nope. I'm saying ... May 18?
_____

From: Also A. Husband
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 8:39 PM
To: Keith Eldred
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Close … May 26th. You caused me big trouble because I had to confirm with the wife. Life is good but very, very busy right now. Look forward to talking.
_____

From: Keith Eldred
Sent: Tuesday, September 23, 2008 5:25 AM
To: Also A. Husband
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Ah, so I'm not the only one who doesn’t have it in his calendar. : )
_____

From: Also A. Husband
Sent: Tuesday, September 23, 2008 10:46 AM
To: Keith Eldred
Subject: RE: Happy Anniversary

Worse than that … I do have it in my calendar but was too lazy to scroll through until May. Thinking I knew the date, I just casually threw out an “Our Anniversary is on … right?" And of course I wasn’t right. Gave us both a good laugh and her a chance to tease me.

Uh oh, she's startin' for my carton ...

FedEx delivered a box to me today.

Just a box. Nothing in it.

Okay, okay, it did have some packing material inside. And some instructions.

It was a box sent to me to ship out our older laptop for warranty service. You open the box, fill out the enclosed form; gather your laptop, power cord, adapter and original system disk; put everything in the box; cover the original shipping label with the label that's enclosed; and finally you seal the box with tape that's also enclosed. Voila, prepared for return via FedEx.

The box that you end up with looks almost exactly like it did when it arrived. So it would be completely understandable if Janet wandered into the house, saw the ready-to-ship-again box unattended, and, after having originally brought the box into the house on her brief lunch break from work down the street, opened it up again. Especially since she has a long-time habit of opening the lioness' share of deliveries that arrive in my name as if they'd arrived in her name. She takes this marriage-makes-two-people-one-flesh thing quite literally.

Thankfully, that didn't happen. She left the box alone. But it could have happened. Easily.

Never has there been more potential for me to say: Janet, Ya Goof!

For letting my guard down and leaving the box vulnerable, I must self-administer an actual admonishment: Keith, Ya Goof!

Take my wife ... aside while I take this question.

Let me have the attention of all the veteran and skilled husbands out there. What would you say in a situation like this?

Our church fellowship hall was used for a Valentine's Day party last night. The guests were special-needs adults, friends of a member of our congregation, a beautiful young lady with Down Syndrome. I had a wonderful time with them through dinner and a craft project. I took a minute to call Janet, who was working late, to come join us. She did, arriving for the end of the craft-making, and then we all sat down for bingo.

Cheryl, one of the party guests, apparently thought that Janet was a handicapped guest who had come late, but she also heard someone say that she was my wife. Janet was at my side when Cheryl tugged on my sleeve and asked, "What's the matter with your wife?"

I came up with one of the following answers. See whether you like any. Or maybe they'll all simply make you say: "Keith, Ya Goof!"

What's the matter with your wife?

a. Oh, where do I start?
b. Lots of things. Same as me. We're a perfect match.
c. We don't know. We haven't gotten the test results back yet.
d. Absolutely nothing. It's really irritating.