It's not the lack of power or the humiliation, its the lack of power AND the humiliation

I set up a computer monitor for the Library this weekend. It took about four times as long as it should have.

When I plugged it in, and went to push the power button, it appeared that there *was* no button. Yes, the icons were there, but there was no actual button--nothing to depress.

I tried plugging the monitor into an outlet that I knew was working--because there was a lit lamp in it--and still there was nothing.

Seeing no alternative, I packed the thing up and took it to Best Buy, where Janet had bought it. The Geek Squad member on duty, took hold of it in that way that communicates (intentionally or not) I-will-bring-my-superior-knowledge-and-intelligence-to-bear-on-this-puny-matter, and (naturally), the monitor lit up right away. It immediately occurred to me that I may have incorrectly inserted the end of the power cord into the monitor.

"Okay, I see it's working," I said, "I have to get going (which was true). I just want to pack it up as quickly as possible and get out of here." I was in no mood for geekly explanations or explorations.

"Do you know what they did?" Janet said. I made a face which made her drop the question.

We had to pause at the door for the Blue Polo on Duty to check our receipt, which thankfully we had at the ready.

Back at the Library, I made sure to insert the power cord correctly, and there was still no sign of life from the monitor. I took a closer look at the power strip and flipped that little switch with the line on one end and the broken circle thingy on the other. The power strip came to life and so did the monitor.

I'm not crazy about the no-button buttons. Sure, it makes for a sleek look, but whenever you pick up the monitor (which will be frequently in this case, because the laptop to which it's attached will be routinely detached for use), you activate one of the buttons.

Keith, Ya Goof.

Hangin' in there

I have no choice but to give my wife a double YaGoof on this one.

Janet had me hang a plaque at the Library a few weeks ago. On the back was a slot as shown above. I did a good job on that task, if I do say so myself. I screwed in the hanging screw to just the perfect amount of protrusion. I inserted the screw head into the slot and slid the plaque over for perfect leveling, but it was still plenty snug against the wall. Satisfying.

Yesterday, Janet called me at work to say that she needed some information from the back of the plaque (the contact from the group that had had the plaque made), but she couldn't get it off the wall.

"It has one of those slots, you know?" I said. "With a hole that's bigger than the slot to let the screw go in and ..."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it."

"So just slide the plaque over until it comes off."

"Okay." She said this in a way that tried not to let on that she knew that I knew that she probably wouldn't be able to do it. I know my darling pretty well, and this mechanically-oriented task wasn't up her alley.

I called the Library on the way home.

"Did you get that plaque down?"

"No."

"I'll be over."

"Thanks."

I slid it over and off.

Janet, Ya Goof!

The contact info was on a card that was taped to the back of the plaque. I removed it and took it to Janet's office--just as she could have done before giving me the plaque in the first place. But then, when I was hanging the plaque so skillfully, removing the card didn't occur to me, either. So I'll join in on the rebuke in that regard.

Janet, Ya Goof!
Keith, Ya Goof!

Duck! Or a wild guess might hit you!

Maybe there's a reader or two out there who was greeted with this question after entering the Barnes & Noble in Altoona this past Saturday:

"Can you guess what stuffed animal we have wrapped up here?"

Referring to this animal:


The question came from Hollidaysburg Area Public Library volunteers, including our whole family. The idea was to draw attention to the in-store gift-wrapping area that we were hosting.

I suspect that MOST of you can indeed guess what animal was wrapped up. I won't tell you what it is, but here's a hint:

Rymes with "loon-a-torn."

See? You knew it, didn't you?

But get this: On three separate occasions during the day, a person guessed the animal was a duck.

I won't be mean and address these people with "Ya Goof!" but I will say that I just don't see how you guess "Duck" when the animal has four legs and a long tail, not to mention a long upward projection from the forehead.

The first time that we received this guess, poor Emmett just couldn't help laughing out loud. It simply quacked him up.

Okay, okay, for that closing line, I deserve to hear this myself: Keith, Ya Goof!