Apr 30, 2007

Some Chex off the ol' block

It's 24 night. Janet and I are watching the show with our friends Ames and Kenny.

We have some Chex Mix left over from a party on Saturday. I asked Emmett to carry a small plate of the Mix from the kitchen to Kenny in the living room. Along the way, Emmett tipped the plate, so he lost some of the contents. Chex Mix is slippery stuff.

I grumbled a little and helped Emmett whisk-broom the stuff up.

A few minutes later, placing my own Chex Mix to the side, I spilled a bunch, too.

What is that line about the family that goofs together?

Apr 24, 2007

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

546. Meet with person A in A's office and accidentally pick up loads of A's stuff along with your own. (Janet did this yesterday, even walking off with a nifty medallion. When she got back to her own office, there was a message from A asking [nicely] if she was a kleptomaniac.)
545. Throw away your retainer along with your trash at a fast food restaurant. (Ethan did this after a stop on the way home from a church trip.)
544. Leave a message on someone's voice mail asking them to pick up--but it's not the kind of set-up where messages can be heard on an external speaker.
543. Mis-remember your high school mascot.
542. Place your keys in the cup holder pocket of one of those canvas fold-up chairs ... but forget about them when you fold up the chair ... and then go nuts looking for your keys.

Apr 19, 2007

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

564. Stand at a vending machine after putting in your money, staring at your item, wondering why it doesn't fall--then realized that you haven't punched in the numbers.
563. Lose a check that someone gave you.
562. Lose your car in the parking lot.
561. Forget to spring forward.
560. Enter an O instead of a 0.
559. Or vice-versa.
558. Or fall back.
557. During a rainstorm, stand where you'll be drenched by the spray of a passing car.
555. Forget you coulda had a V8.
554. Search for your keys as you're driving.
553. Attempt to drop off your kid at school and discover that it's a vacation day.
552. Set out a piece of mail on a federal holiday.
551. Accidentally discard your silverware at Panera Bread.
550. Forget an appointment.
549. Accidentally knock your dog off the bed.
548. Get thrown out of the library for talking too loud.
547. Respond to someone saying hello when they were actually speaking to someone else on a cell phone.

So how's the new job?

You're a plumber's apprentice.

It's your first day at work.

You burn down a mansion.

Apr 14, 2007

Emmett speaks!

That went so well that I just had to haul Emmett out of bed and try another Gabcast right away. Be advised: He might sound a little sleepy.

Gabcast! YaGoof! #2

Nice job, Emmett!

Emmett adds: Dad, Ya Goof!

Our first gabcast!

If this works, I'll explain what it is.

Heck, Keith, if it works, it won't need any explanation. Ya Goof.

Go ahead. Hit the PLAY arrow.

Gabcast! YaGoof! #1

Hear that? Perfect! Because I did manage to goof it up. I left a bunch of dead air at the end of the recording, not realizing that I was supposed to push # at the end.

Apr 11, 2007

Bad call on my part

There are people sweeter than me. Those who know me will smile, laugh or roll their eyes at the understatement. If my sons were drinking milk right now, the milk would fly out their noses. Let's just say it's not rare for me to be testy.

Here's a case in point:

The phone rang a few minutes ago.

Me: Hello. Eldred's.

Female voice: Is Janet there?

(Janet was on her treadmill.)

Me: Sorry, she can't come to the phone right now.

Voice: Is she asleep or something?

Me: (here's where the testiness begins) Who is this?

Voice: Lacey Steps.

Me: Well, Lacey, I just told you she can't come to the phone.

Lacey: Is this Dave?

Me: This is Keith.

Lacey: (with recognition) Oh, Keith. Are you coming to game night tomorrow?

It dawns on me that Lacey is a sweet young woman who Janet and I had met at our church. A group periodically hosts parties for mentally handicapped adults like Lacey.

Me: Yes, I'll be there.

Lacey: (cheerily) Okay, see you there.

I feel small ...

But those parties always build me up. I get much more out of them than I give.

Keith, Ya Goof.


A couple of Interstate stories ...

A co-worker, Dan, was driving down the Interstate with a pal. They were reflecting on their blessings: work, family, friends and agreed: "Life is good!"

Some miles further on, Dan said, "Haven't we been driving too long?" After consulting a map, they realized they should have exited at "Life is good!"

Dan and pal: Ya Goofs!

* * *

Driving to work on I-99 this morning, I came upon one of those convoys transporting huge concrete beams for constructing an overpass—trucks large and small, state police cruisers, bubble lights turning. I was in the passing lane when I realized that I was almost at my exit. Not a good idea to cut between any of those vehicles, so I had to slow down and back up traffic a little bit so that I could let the convoy pass by and then exit. I see now that I was driving beside a quarter-mile-long wall.

Keith, Ya Goof!

Apr 10, 2007

Poor guy wasn't left holding the bag

Be happy for Jason Carruthers. His wife, Kristie, owes him big-time.

Kristie works in the same area that I do. Above, you see her holding Jason's insulated lunch bag, which she borrowed yesterday when Jason was off work. This lunch bag is a vital piece of equipment for Jason, who travels all day as a cable technician and can't stop off for food.

Kristie assured Jason that she would bring the bag home. But she forgot. So out there somewhere is a ticked-off cable tech lugging who knows what—a pillow case lined with newspapers or something. Just hope that he's not servicing your account today.

Kristie, Ya Goof!

P.S. I've mistyped Kristie's name so many times in email that I finally just decided to go with it and call her "Krisite" all the time. Keith, Ya Goof!

Apr 9, 2007

Et tu, Ragu?

We've recently discovered baked potatoes. Well, re-discovered. A recent batch was so good that we cooked up four more yesterday, to accompany our Easter ham.

"Needs salsa," Ethan said. He fished in the fridge, pulled out a jar and doused his spud.

Focused on our own potatoes, none of us looked Ethan's way for a few moments. Until I thought I'd like some salsa myself and reached for Ethan's jar of ... spaghetti sauce?

Ethan's explanation: "The jars look exactly the same!" To his credit, he shrugged and took a bite of the gourmet dish we'll call Patata bollente con la salsa di spaghetti fredda.

Still ... Ethan, Ya Goof!

Apr 6, 2007

Is my lack of catechism showing?

I proved yesterday that I don't know the Catholic calendar that well. Not to mention the secular calendar.

I was on Skype with a friend. "Happy Ash Wednesday," I typed, adding jauntily: "If that's appropriate to say."

"We Catholics recognize Ash Wednesday at the beginning of Lent," he returned. "This is Holy Thursday."

Keith, Ya Goof!

Updated later: Wait, he said Maundy Thursday. Ya Double Goof!