Dec 16, 2007

1002 ways to goof up

499. Blow out a well-melted candle so that hot wax splashes onto your face.
498. Go for "one more run" on the ski slope.
497. Gather up papers at work that belong at home and put them in your briefcase--then carry them back to work the next day because you forgot to take them out at home.

Cutting it a little close

I don't mean to make light of the following, which involves safety in school. I just want to make note of an ironic sequence of events.

Ethan and Emmett reported that Junior High students were subjected to a routine search on Thursday this week. It was random; about every fourth student was searched. A pair of safety scissors were confiscated; the owner said she was using them for origami (this story came third-hand).

That evening, Emmett stopped in at the Library on the way home to do homework (and see Janet there), and Janet gave him some office scissors to open a bag of ice-melt before spreading it on the sidewalk. (By the way, Emmett had to print something out while at the Library, and Janet held his print-out hostage until he completed the chore.)

Emmett absentmindedly put the scissors in his coat pocket, and they stayed there through his school day on (day). He discovered them that evening when crossing the Wal-Mart parking lot.

So just one day earlier, and Emmett came close to having to do some serious 'splaining.

Emmett, Ya Goof!

Dec 13, 2007

Don't throw out the fry with the fish water!

What's with this post's title, you ask? Well, a baby fish is called a fry, we've found ourselves with a fish, and I'm about to explain the throw out part.

He was a wedding favor. Really. We walk into the reception, there's a fish bowl on the table, and the other people at the table say "You get to take the fish home, and we don't want him." So we walk out with a fish and some starter fish food.

I figured he'd be dead by morning. Not due to malevolence, that's just what's happened with other fish that have had the misfortune to enter our home.

I started in immediately with jokes related to fish death. Example: On the way home, Emmett named the fish "Jo Momma" (in honor of Jo, the bride, our neighbor), and I suggested adding on references to fish preparation and untimely demise, namely (pun intended) the full name of "Jo Momma Sauté Doomed." Has a nice ring to it.

But lo! Jo! That was a month ago, and he (maybe she) is still alive! I'm told the little bugger is a Betta fish, which are hardy enough to survive temperatures that dip below 60 degrees overnight because that's the temperature we like it in the winter and we really don't care if Jo likes it or not.

Emmett feeds Jo; I change his water every morning. I got a little net-on-a-handle at Wal-Mart to make Jo easier to catch at changing time, but he's getting more elusive. Some mornings I give up on poking around after him and simply tilt water out of the bowl and net Jo Mama as he slides out. I have to make sure the sink is empty and the plug is in the drain because twice now, Jo Mama has missed the net and fallen into the sink.

For which instances, I must say to myself: Keith, Ya Goof!

P.S. I also feel like saying that for ending up with a fish in the first place, but as you see, we just didn't see this swimming our way.

This just in

Ethan and Emmett walk to school on most days, but Ethan had to take his guitar today, so I gave them a ride.

Freezing rain, as forecast, was falling as we left the house. About halfway to the school, it occurred to me ...

"Did anyone listen to the radio for school cancellations?"


I turned on the radio.

Steve (of the Charlie and Steve Show) was saying " ... so give us a call and report in on what the roads are like out there. Must be bad, because all of the schools are cancelling."

The guys and I looked at each other. I prepared to swing around.

Keith, Ya Goo--

But wait.

Steve continued, "--except for Altoona and Hollidaysburg."

Never was there a more rapid cycle from goof to non-goof.

Dec 12, 2007

Stop the cycle of cordiality now!

Every once in a while I do this:

(I come upon you, a friend, in a store.)

Me: Hey, how are you?

You: Fine, thanks, you?

Me: Great, yourself?

(Awkward pause) (Because I already asked you're doing) (And betrayed that I wasn't listening to what you said)

Keith, Ya Goof!

Dec 8, 2007

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

504. Mistakenly click "Enter" when you're almost done with an online sign-up form, thereby erasing all of the information that you already entered.
503. Click back and re-enter the data and then prematurely hit "Enter" again.
502. Realize at that point that you didn't have to click back, you only had to scroll down and enter the informaiton that you hadn't entered yet.
501. Take care of an errand at one store in the mall, then proceed to other errands, then realize that there was another errand at another store in the mall that you could have taken care of when you were there.
500. Get your mixes worded up.