Some Chex off the ol' block

It's 24 night. Janet and I are watching the show with our friends Ames and Kenny.

We have some Chex Mix left over from a party on Saturday. I asked Emmett to carry a small plate of the Mix from the kitchen to Kenny in the living room. Along the way, Emmett tipped the plate, so he lost some of the contents. Chex Mix is slippery stuff.

I grumbled a little and helped Emmett whisk-broom the stuff up.

A few minutes later, placing my own Chex Mix to the side, I spilled a bunch, too.

What is that line about the family that goofs together?

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

546. Meet with person A in A's office and accidentally pick up loads of A's stuff along with your own. (Janet did this yesterday, even walking off with a nifty medallion. When she got back to her own office, there was a message from A asking [nicely] if she was a kleptomaniac.)
545. Throw away your retainer along with your trash at a fast food restaurant. (Ethan did this after a stop on the way home from a church trip.)
544. Leave a message on someone's voice mail asking them to pick up--but it's not the kind of set-up where messages can be heard on an external speaker.
543. Mis-remember your high school mascot.
542. Place your keys in the cup holder pocket of one of those canvas fold-up chairs ... but forget about them when you fold up the chair ... and then go nuts looking for your keys.

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

564. Stand at a vending machine after putting in your money, staring at your item, wondering why it doesn't fall--then realized that you haven't punched in the numbers.
563. Lose a check that someone gave you.
562. Lose your car in the parking lot.
561. Forget to spring forward.
560. Enter an O instead of a 0.
559. Or vice-versa.
558. Or fall back.
557. During a rainstorm, stand where you'll be drenched by the spray of a passing car.
555. Forget you coulda had a V8.
554. Search for your keys as you're driving.
553. Attempt to drop off your kid at school and discover that it's a vacation day.
552. Set out a piece of mail on a federal holiday.
551. Accidentally discard your silverware at Panera Bread.
550. Forget an appointment.
549. Accidentally knock your dog off the bed.
548. Get thrown out of the library for talking too loud.
547. Respond to someone saying hello when they were actually speaking to someone else on a cell phone.

So how's the new job?

You're a plumber's apprentice.

It's your first day at work.

You burn down a mansion.

Emmett speaks!

That went so well that I just had to haul Emmett out of bed and try another Gabcast right away. Be advised: He might sound a little sleepy.

Gabcast! YaGoof! #2



Nice job, Emmett!

Emmett adds: Dad, Ya Goof!

Our first gabcast!

If this works, I'll explain what it is.

Heck, Keith, if it works, it won't need any explanation. Ya Goof.

Go ahead. Hit the PLAY arrow.

Gabcast! YaGoof! #1



Hear that? Perfect! Because I did manage to goof it up. I left a bunch of dead air at the end of the recording, not realizing that I was supposed to push # at the end.

Bad call on my part

There are people sweeter than me. Those who know me will smile, laugh or roll their eyes at the understatement. If my sons were drinking milk right now, the milk would fly out their noses. Let's just say it's not rare for me to be testy.

Here's a case in point:

The phone rang a few minutes ago.

Me: Hello. Eldred's.

Female voice: Is Janet there?

(Janet was on her treadmill.)

Me: Sorry, she can't come to the phone right now.

Voice: Is she asleep or something?

Me: (here's where the testiness begins) Who is this?

Voice: Lacey Steps.

Me: Well, Lacey, I just told you she can't come to the phone.

Lacey: Is this Dave?

Me: This is Keith.

Lacey: (with recognition) Oh, Keith. Are you coming to game night tomorrow?

It dawns on me that Lacey is a sweet young woman who Janet and I had met at our church. A group periodically hosts parties for mentally handicapped adults like Lacey.

Me: Yes, I'll be there.

Lacey: (cheerily) Okay, see you there.

I feel small ...

But those parties always build me up. I get much more out of them than I give.

Keith, Ya Goof.

I-yi-yi

A couple of Interstate stories ...

A co-worker, Dan, was driving down the Interstate with a pal. They were reflecting on their blessings: work, family, friends and agreed: "Life is good!"

Some miles further on, Dan said, "Haven't we been driving too long?" After consulting a map, they realized they should have exited at "Life is good!"

Dan and pal: Ya Goofs!

* * *

Driving to work on I-99 this morning, I came upon one of those convoys transporting huge concrete beams for constructing an overpass—trucks large and small, state police cruisers, bubble lights turning. I was in the passing lane when I realized that I was almost at my exit. Not a good idea to cut between any of those vehicles, so I had to slow down and back up traffic a little bit so that I could let the convoy pass by and then exit. I see now that I was driving beside a quarter-mile-long wall.

Keith, Ya Goof!

Poor guy wasn't left holding the bag

Be happy for Jason Carruthers. His wife, Kristie, owes him big-time.

Kristie works in the same area that I do. Above, you see her holding Jason's insulated lunch bag, which she borrowed yesterday when Jason was off work. This lunch bag is a vital piece of equipment for Jason, who travels all day as a cable technician and can't stop off for food.

Kristie assured Jason that she would bring the bag home. But she forgot. So out there somewhere is a ticked-off cable tech lugging who knows what—a pillow case lined with newspapers or something. Just hope that he's not servicing your account today.

Kristie, Ya Goof!

P.S. I've mistyped Kristie's name so many times in email that I finally just decided to go with it and call her "Krisite" all the time. Keith, Ya Goof!

Et tu, Ragu?

We've recently discovered baked potatoes. Well, re-discovered. A recent batch was so good that we cooked up four more yesterday, to accompany our Easter ham.

"Needs salsa," Ethan said. He fished in the fridge, pulled out a jar and doused his spud.

Focused on our own potatoes, none of us looked Ethan's way for a few moments. Until I thought I'd like some salsa myself and reached for Ethan's jar of ... spaghetti sauce?

Ethan's explanation: "The jars look exactly the same!" To his credit, he shrugged and took a bite of the gourmet dish we'll call Patata bollente con la salsa di spaghetti fredda.

Still ... Ethan, Ya Goof!

Is my lack of catechism showing?

I proved yesterday that I don't know the Catholic calendar that well. Not to mention the secular calendar.

I was on Skype with a friend. "Happy Ash Wednesday," I typed, adding jauntily: "If that's appropriate to say."

"We Catholics recognize Ash Wednesday at the beginning of Lent," he returned. "This is Holy Thursday."

Keith, Ya Goof!

Updated later: Wait, he said Maundy Thursday. Ya Double Goof!

Class is now in session

Our pal Amy Hanna posted a classic goof story on her new blog, which sports the fantastic name of "Have Dog, Will Blog." Her tale involves pets, freezing rain and spare keys; maybe you can guess where that's heading. Scroll down until you see the title "You can learn a lot from a dummy." (Hey, she said it, not us. But we do agree with the educational value.)

One of the many great lines: "My 10-year-old neighbor, John, enthusiastically did offer to break any window of my choosing."

Amy, Ya Goof!

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

569. Read the wrong book for book club.
568. When a fellow book club member asks you which book is next on the schedule, tell them the wrong title, so that that person, too, has also read the wrong book.
567. Ask a fellow book club member which book is next on the schedule rather than checking the schedule yourself.
566. Show up for a public speaking engagement and speak on the wrong topic.
565. (A school thing) Walk into the wrong classroom.

An episode of 24. Degrees, that is.

Our pal Ames joins Janet and me to watch Jack Bauer save the world during 24 season. This week, I poured Ames a glass of the newest flavor of Jazz—Caramel Cream. At the end of the show, I noticed that the glass was still full.

"You didn't like it?" I said.

"Um ... too cold," he said.

I didn't know what to say. He meant that the ice had made his drink too cold?

Janet saw my consternation and spoke up. "He means that it's too cold in here to drink a cold drink!" She said this from under her favorite wool blanket.

Oops. I've more or less made myself the furnace director in our house, and I favor a low setting. and I was wearing a sweater and using the laptop (which heats up one's one laptop). I guess I went too far ... er, too low ... on the thermostat.

Janet is used to this (hence the blanket). But not Ames. Sorry, pal!

Keith, Ya Goof!

Oh, grape!

In her sermon yesterday, our pastor mentioned how one day in late summer she ran into the grape vine in her backyard with the mower. The result? Raisins.

Reverend Marlys, Ya Goof!

1002 ways to goof up (continued)

574. Pick out a greeting card but forget the matching envelope until the clerk reminds you—and then try to find your way back to the same section of the rack.
573. Put off replacing a frayed shoelace so that it breaks when you're already late for work.
572. Get into a "No, you go first" waving duel with another driver at a four-way intersection.
571. Get caught inspecting someone else's lunch in the office refrigerator.
570. Go the vending machine with the wrong amount of change.

The family that goofs together ...

We're behind on posting but not on goofing up. Below are stories from just this week.

* * *

Ethan (though still in eighth grade) starts his day at the high school for Spanish class. Keith usually drives him there "the back way," avoiding the heavy morning bus-and-cars-dropping-off-kids traffic on Hart Street, which runs by the junior high. But Keith absentmindedly turned up Hart Street, making Ethan late arriving at the high school, where Ethan realized that he actually had to start that day at the junior high. So Keith and Ethan took the wrong way to the right place, which turned out to be the wrong place.

* * *

Janet was to pick up Keith at the tire shop on Monday evening but went to the wrong one.

* * *

Keith mistakenly took Janet's keys to work with him. The good news was that she didn't need the car that day. The bad news was that Emmett did need his backpack, which was locked in the car. Keith had to borrow a friend's car and drive back home right after arriving at work.

* * *

So our whole family needs to hear: Ya Goof!

Our home's American Idol fans say ...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

America, Ya Goofs!

Must ... not ... think ... about ... the ... ink

Sometimes I wake up hyperventilating. When it all comes back to me.

I went in to work on a Saturday. The boys were with me.

Emmett was about three years old at the time. I looked up, and he had a marker in his hand.

From the corner of my eye, I saw—Ohmygodno, no, no—a marker mark on the wall.

I shot to my feet and raced to the mark. It ran toward the corner. And around. And all the way down the hall.

In a movie, the camera shot would shift to the outside of the building and zoom away to the sound of a yell: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

All I can say is: God bless the facilities workers who scrubbed the marks off the wall. You could almost not see it afterward.

Wait, I can say one more thing: Emmett, Ya Goof!

hEEllo from E & E in San JosEE

Hey, this is Ethan and Emmett's(notice that Ethan's name is first) but Emmett's name is first in the alphabet and is too good for parentheses anyway, first blog on Yagoof so bear with us here. It's March 3 and we're still in San Jose.

Today Mom planned to visit a community center/library on the outer limits of San Jose, and the Lettermen had to scout the best way to get there with the public transport system before they got to see Dad's old college roommate, Phil who lives in the area. The primary target was a place to eat breakfast though, so we walked around for about 3 years to find the same McDonald's that we ate breakfast @ yesterday(okay so it was actually about 30 minutes). The whole time we were searching we had to keep an eye out for these little signs w/ the word "DASH" on them which stood for "Downtown Area SHuttle." The signs represented places where this little free bus would stop on weekdays and take people around the downtown for free. The only problem was that today was Saturday in Pacific Time (as if it wasn't in Eastern Time), so the shuttle never came. Because of that, we missed our first scouting bus. After that we just walked to the bus station, which was actually a train station (see how confusing this is?) to catch the bus which turned out to be going the wrong way. The way the bus worked was that it went back and forth on its route all day with the Station as one of the stops right in the middle. When it passed the Station while we were there it was going back while we wanted it to go forth. So we ended up at the complete opposite end of the line. So we rode the bus the whole way back to the community center/library end of the line(we had to pay for two bus trips each, by the way since we reached the end of the line the first time.).

After all this, we realized that the next bus wouldn't show up at the library end for another hour. This meant that after the bus ride to the train station, and the train ride to where Phil lives, we wouldn't get to see him for another three hours even though he lived 15 minutes from where we were. So we just called Phil, and he came to pick us up. This meant that we had to call Mom and explain to her the public transport system for her to get to the library. As it turned out we simply picked Mom up from the bus stop ourselves using Phil's GPS navigator, KAREN. On the way we tried to drive down a track for the local train (more like an above-ground subway) and we tried to go the wrong way down a one-way street. Basically today was a blast.