1002 ways to goof up (continued)

709. Drive too close to the curb and scrape your hubcap.
708. Forget to swing up the little flag up on the mailbox.
707. Forget to swing down the little flag on the mailbox.
706. Break the key off the Spam can.
705. Use a little metal manual can opener to try to ... wait for it ... open a can. By punching little intersecting triangular holes around the rim, but then reach a point where there's not enough metal for the can opener's point to grab onto, so that you're reduced to turning the can over into a bowl to catch the stuff that comes out while you try again on the other end.
704. Forget to wind your watch.
703. Over-wind your watch.
702. Break your pencil lead.
701. Miss a rung while descending a ladder.
700. While hiking, let a branch swing back and slap the person following you.
699. Stub your toe.
698. Store a ketchup bottle with a flip-top on the bottom right-side up, which means that the bottle is actually upside-down.
697. Try to serve yourself applesauce by turning the jar upside down rather than spoon it out and end up with most of the contents on your plate.
696. Rub a cat the wrong way.
695. Put the toilet paper on the roll so that the paper comes off the back.
694. You mean so that the paper comes off the FRONT.
693. Back!
692. Front!
691. BACK!
690. FRONT!
689. Enter an argument that you can't win.
688. Take off your swimsuit so that the drawstring knots and you can't get it off without skwunching over and trying to loosen the knot with your teeth.
687. Bite your fingernail to the quick.
686. Let your inspection sticker expire.
685. Open a cereal box from the wrong end.
684. Leave your signal light on way past your turn.
683. Misplace the tickets.
682. Misplace the wedding ring.
681. While driving on a car trip, and while your wife with a hangup about napkins is napping, stop at a drive-through for sandwiches, including one for her, and get back on the Interstate just as she is waking up and asking if you remembered to ask for napkins.
680. Fail to tighten your necktie that last little bit.
679. Walk away from the plate when there are only two strikes.
678. Referee: Blow your whistle accidentally.
677. Forget someone's name.
676. Grab the wrong shopping cart.
675. Flip your canoe.
674. Tip over the garbage can.
673. Change your pants while driving.
672. Forget to pick up the milk.
671. Run out of gas.
670. Bend the top of a banana as you start to peel it.
669. Leave the toilet seat up.
668. Leave the refrigerator door open.
667. Light a match and tilt it down instead of up.
666. Cut in line in front of the Anti-Christ.
665. Flip a half-cooked pancake so that only half is on the pan.
664. Or flip it onto another pancake.
663. Fail to match the password that you just entered while registering online.
662. Enter your password in the wrong field so that the person next to you sees what it is.
661. Let a domain name expire when you actually wanted to keep it.
660. Drop a stitch.
659. Carry (in volleyball).
658. Travel (in basketball).
657. Forget your towel when you go to the gym.
656. Go the wrong way through a turnstile.
655. Pass up Krispy Kreme while the red light is on, to squeeze in a quick trip to Wal-Mart, and then come out just in time to see the red light go out.
654. Leave your bank card behind at the ATM.
655. Leave your cash behind at the ATM.
654. Dial at "9" to get out, like you do at work, while you're at home.
653. Load the printer with special paper but forget to tell other people who are using the same printer.
652. Forget to set your odometer when following step-by-step driving directions.
651. Enter the wrong viewing room at a funeral parlor.
650. Miss your turn to go when four cars are stopped at a 4-way intersection.
649. Sell No-Bakes at a charity bake sale. I mean, would you sell a No-Wash at a charity Car Wash?
648. Take non-drowsy cough medicine when you meant to take the so-you-can-sleep kind.
647. Mix up the spent with the fresh when installing new batteries.
646. Make two appointments for the same time.
645. Overbake cookies.
644. Lose your Walkman while it's holding one of the tapes from a 24-tape audio book you borrowed from the Library.
643. Realize as you're drifting off to sleep that you left the radio on downstairs and can still hear it.
642. Serve to the net (tennis).
641. Blindly follow the crowd.
640. Accidentally drive off without paying for gas.
639. Accidentally leave the supermarket self-checkout without paying.
638. Run with scissors.
637. Make a mountain out of a molehill.
636. Throw out the baby with the bath water.
635. Cut off your nose to spite your face.
634. Fail to watch for falling rocks.
632. Offer to go second in tic-tac-toe.
631. Unless it's against a child.
630. Bark up the wrong tree.
629. Cross a steam vent wearing a flouncy dress.
628. Look a gift horse in the mouth.
627. Eat from the Tree of Forbidden Fruit.
626. Fall asleep in someone's bead after breaking, entering and eating their porridge.
625. Taunt others about how fast you are when you're made of gingerbread.
624. Cry wolf.
623. Prolong a cookie-dunking until the cookie just dissolves.
622. Over-swing your arms while power-walking.
621. Fail to tie your laces tight enough.
620. Knock over a $750,000 vase while touring Frank Lloyd Wright's Taleisin.